3 Ways to Manage the Failure Paradox

Ep. 91 Have you ever found yourself in a No-Win Pickle? This is the term I use to describe a situation where no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, despite  your good intentions you cannot win. I found myself in a No-Win Pickle after my 4th baby was born. Today I’m sharing that story along with 3 tools for managing this Failure Paradox.

WHAT is the Failure Paradox?

A more official-sounding term for the No-Win Pickle is The Failure Paradox. My 4th son was born in the early morning hours on the day of my oldest son’s kindergarten graduation. But that wasn’t a problem. I slept a few hours, got up and showered and put on makeup and shoes ready to go. Danny’s school was a few blocks from the hospital and I figured the kind nurses wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on baby Jack while I dashed out for an hour to catch the graduation and return in time for Jack’s next feeding. Obviously, my postpartum mind wasn’t considering that hospitals have policies about new mothers leaving (child abandonment) and returning (germ exposure). I was simply trying to multitask and fit everything onto my calendar. 

When the nurse raised her eyebrows at me, I realized that I would be missing Danny’s big event. And he only graduates from kindergarten once in his whole life! Because of taking care of one child, I was neglecting the other. I should have timed Danny’s birth better. I felt like a total failure as a mother.

This was my first big experience with the No-Win Pickle, which I’ve encountered dozens of times since. Basically, the No-Win Pickle is when, no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to succeed at everything. I hate that it is impossible for me to succeed at everything in mothering.  I hate that I have to make impossible decisions which sometimes require choosing one child over another, or choosing myself over my children, or choosing none of us. To be a “good mother” equally for all. To never choose one over the other. 

The Failure Paradox

Paradox: a statement or proposition that, despite sound (or apparently sound) reasoning from acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that seems senseless, logically unacceptable, or self-contradictory.

The Failure Paradox: In our failure, we rise to higher levels.

WHY is Failure an Inherent Part of the Human Experience?

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3 Ways to Manage the Failure Paradox

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Lies of the Magpie 42 & 43

Woman Read Lies of the Magpie

Ep. 85 In the previous chapter, Maleah discovered who Laiah is and finally understood what was making her sick. Now, she has to figure out how to get well. She brings Aaron to her next doctor’s appointment to do the hardest thing she knows she has to do: accept a prescription for an antidepressant. 

Lies of the Magpie Ch 40 & 41

women read on bench

Ep.84 Listen to the pinnacle chapter of Lies of the Magpie. Maleah’s struggles and months of searching for how to heal her body finally come together in an unexpected way. Did you predict this twist?

Lies of the Magpie Ch 38 & 39

Woman reads Lies of the Magpie while doing laundry

On Ep.83, you can listen to chapters 38 & 39 of Lies of the Magpie by author Maleah Day Warner.

Lies of the Magpie Ch 36 & 37

Woman read Lies of the Magpie in kitchen

Ep. 82 In Chapters 36 & 37 of Lies of the Magpie, Maleah finds herself caught in a tug-of-war between allopathic and homeopathic medicine. She struggles to decide whether to take the prescribed thyroid medication or continue homeopathic treatment in hopes that her body can heal itself naturally.

Lies of the Magpie Ch 34 & 35

Woman reading the memoir Lies of the Magpie

Ep. 81 In Ch 34 & 35 of Lies of the Magpie, Maleah is desperate to find help for healing her body, and following the recommendation of friends, she visits a homeopathic doctor in her area.  

Lies of the Magpie Ch 32 & 33

Husband and Wife reading Lies of the Magpie

Ep. 80 Listen to these FREE sample chapters from the best-selling memoir Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Day Warner. In these chapters, Maleah questions whether she is “sick enough” to merit seeing a doctor. The challenge is that she isn’t bleeding, bruised, or having any specific pain. She knows she doesn’t feel “right,” but struggles to put what is wrong into words. She is terrified the doctor will say it’s “depression.” For Maleah, depression isn’t a legitimate illness, but rather a judgment of a person’s weak character. Maleah thinks she would rather get a cancer diagnosis than be told she has postpartum depression. In the end, her diagnosis isn’t at all what she expected, and will create more complications and confusion as the story progresses. 

Lies of the Magpie Ch 30 & 31

Woman reading Lies of the Magpie

Today’s audio selection brings listeners to the end of Part 2 and the beginning of Part 3.

Chapter 30 I Need a Mother Feeling shaky and weak, Maleah gives a presentation to the Chamber of Commerce. Driving home she is dizzy and disoriented and doesn’t have breast milk to feed Jack. Aaron asks why she won’t go to a doctor. Maleah worries that she isn’t really sick enough to go to a doctor and that people think she is a lazy faker.

Chapter 31 Ears to Hear Maleah takes Kate to a new ENT specialist who correctly diagnosis Kate’s hearing issues. Maleah realizes the difference a good doctor can make and determines to schedule an appointment for herself with a new doctor. When her efforts are thwarted, Aaron steps in to comfort her. He has a chance encounter with the doctor and is able to schedule Maleah an appointment. 

Lies of the Magpie Ch 26 & 27

Woman in grass reading book

Ep. 77 Enjoy these FREE sample chapters from the audio version of Lies of the Magpie.

In Chapter 26, Maleah discovers a computer file where Aaron has learned photo-editing by practicing on a picture of her. She compares the woman in the before and after photos and believes she is seeing how Aaron wishes he change her flaws. 

The tension builds and in Chapter 27, Maleah feels that her chest is going to explode. She needs help, but fears the ER will pump her full of psychotropic drugs, lock her in the psych ward, and take away her children. In a desperate cry for help, she knocks on an old friend’s door at midnight. 

BONUS AUDIO: Lies of the Magpie Ch 22 & 23

Lies of the Magpie Readers

Listen to sample chapters from Amazon’s #1 Hot New Release, Lies of the Magpie, a memoir and discover the book readers are calling “riveting.” 

Things begins to unravel for Maleah as she juggles running a business and caring for newborn Jack while Kate starts kindergarten and Tanner resists giving up his crib to his new brother.