What I have found is a hybrid publisher, a mix between traditional and self publishing. Which is so me. I can’t decide between one or the other, so I’m going to find a way to do both. And I really like so many things about this option.
STILL, my brain is going all kinds of crazy telling me “this isn’t the best publisher, this isn’t the best way . . . to the point that I have even Googled applying to the Master Fine Arts program at Syracuse University. Yes. That’s in New York. And yes, I live in Utah and have children well immersed in school here. And, Syracuse’s MFA accepts a total of 12 students, from the world. 6 poets and 6 fiction writers. No nonfiction, especially not memoir. YET, my brain is so convinced that I still need to do MORE with this manuscript. I am big time fighting my own “It will never be good enough” syndrome.
I am asking myself: Am I giving up my dream of being a traditionally published author? Am I settling? This is a real question. I get to decide the answer, and this is what I’m deciding:
My dreams are safe in my head. They can be as big and glorious and perfect as I want them to be in my head. Things always look better in my fantasies. They are pink, and bubbly and happy with no imperfections. In my head, no one can criticize or burst my dream bubble.
But, here’s the truth, what good does a dream do in my head?
This is what I’m learning. I’m learning that the process of making dreams into reality is MESSY and not very pretty. Things are never as fantastic in reality as they are in fantasy, whether it be a romance, a marriage, a dream vacation, even winning the lottery. There are hang-ups and problems with any situation. And I’ve decided I would rather live a nicked up, bruised, dented dream in real life, than keep a flawless, ephereal dream in my head.
I can do real. I can do messy.
So I’m saying it out loud “I have a publisher and I am going to be published within one year!”
It is going to be real, it is going to be messy, it is going to be a LOT of work.
In fact, it is already real, it’s already messy, It’s already a lot of work.
And it’s awesome.
Folks, Look at this! Can you believe it! I AM living my dream.
Thanks for being with me on this journey. I love that you’re here.