Ep. 10 Empower Kids Through PLAY

Empower Kids Through Play

Empower Kids Through PLAY

“The opportunity for kids to freely engage in play with one another has diminished considerably over the last 50 years.” Michael Yogman, AAP

Research shows one of the best ways to empower kids is through play. Play helps kids develop problem-solving, decision-making, and risk-taking skills that prepare them to be successful adults. However, play has decreased steadily. The ramifications are becoming so serious that doctors are prescribing play as a remedy for many ills. The American Academy of Pediatricians is encouraging doctors to implement a Reach Out and Play campaign to correspond with the Reach out and Read initiative. Doctors are asking parents to protect and even to enforce playtime.  Episode 7 discussed four specific ways to give yourself permission to add more play to your life. 

What is PLAY?

According to research by Dr. Rachel White: 

PLAY IS PLEASURABLE: Children must enjoy the activity or it is not play.

PLAY IS INTRINSICALLY MOTIVATED: Children engage in play simply for the satisfaction the behavior itself brings. It has no extrinsically motivated function or goal.

PLAY IS PROCESS ORIENTED: When children play, the means are more important than the ends.

PLAY IS FREELY CHOSEN: It is spontaneous and voluntary. If a child is pressured, she will likely not think of the activity as play.

PLAY IS ACTIVELY ENGAGED: Players must be physically and/or mentally involved in the activity.

PLAY IS NON-LITERAL: It involves make-believe.

Play empowers kids because it is intrinsic rather than extrinsic. The benefits of play are internal (for the individual) rather than external (associated with outside approval or award). Play is self-chosen and the players are free-agents, meaning they can stop at any time. Because play contains non-literal elements, it buffers the individual from real-life consequences and provides opportunities to practice and grow skills essential to living in our complex world.

There is a difference between accumulating knowledge and developing skills. Emphasizing math, reading, and writing at younger ages has forced teachers to remove playful elements from early childhood education. But learning new skills is best facilitated by social, playful interactions where risks can be taken with little consequence. The emphasis on performance measured by test scores is diminishing opportunities to learn from mistakes, even when failure is often the best teacher.  

Benefits of PLAY

According to a report of the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Play is not frivolous: it enhances brain structure and function and promotes executive function (ie, the process of learning, rather than the content), which allow us to pursue goals and ignore distractions. Play is fundamentally important for learning 21st century skills, such as problem solving, collaboration, and creativity, which require the executive functioning skills that are critical for adult success.”

Benefits of play are numerous and well documented. Play with parents and peers is fundamental for the development of safe, trusting relationships. Play regulates stress levels. Studies have shown that the lack of play increases ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Play develops the learning process, incites creativity, problem solving, and risk-taking. Specifically, play develops language and math skills and improves concentration. 

How to Empower Kids through PLAY

1. Lower the Stakes 

As parents, we can empower kids through play by making sure that for every performance-based activity kids are signed-up to do, they have equal opportunity for unstructured, experimental play. An AAP report states:  “Parental guilt has led to competition over who can schedule more enrichment opportunities.” As parents, organized activities like lessons and competitive sports feels good because they have measurable results which validate our investment of time and money. As adults, we like the structure of consistent time, date, location for activities. The unmeasurability of unstructured play can be a barrier. Which lead us to principle #2: 
 

2. Build Trust Through Play

Dr. Hank Smith, Ph.D conducted his doctoral research in developing trust in educational systems. He discovered that play is a powerful way to build trusting relationships. He found that one of the best ways to repair a struggling relationship (particularly a parent/child relationship) is through play. Get on the same level as your child and do something they love. Don’t talk about grades or problems or instrument practice. Playing together helps kids to know that they matter. You love spending time with them for who they are. They are valuable to you outside of their performance on a report card or in a soccer game. 

Play becomes even more essential in times of family crisis. In the midst of divorce, death, serious accident or illness, job loss, or jail sentence, it seems counterintuitive to play. However, play is exactly what will ease stress and remind family members that it’s possible to experience pockets of happiness in the middle of tragedy. Play helps all family members to grow through the struggle and to develop resilience and personal strength. 

3. Embrace the Mess

Play is messy. The toys buckets will be emptied. The legos and blocks and train set will be strewn across the floor. When our children were young, my girlfriend said the best thing to me. She said, “I love when my house is messy because it means my kids are playing.” Those blankets and beach towels that were folded so neatly in the closet are going to be stretched across the furniture to make forts, which means that every heavy book from the shelf is stacked to hold down the blankets.

Play doesn’t necessarily help with housework. On days that I’ve just mopped and vacuumed, I almost prefer my kids to watch TV instead of play in the sand box. In order to promote unstructured play, as parents we need to lower our standards of tidiness and embrace the mess. 

4. Trick Your Kids Into PLAYING

You know as well as I do that if command our kids to play, they protest. This is because play must be self-chosen. As parents, we can apply a bit of reverse psychology. When my kids have been staring at screens too long or are complaining about boredom, I give them a chore to do. This is a “nonessential” chore. Something like cleaning out the junk drawer in their bedroom, weeding the garden, washing the car, or organizing the game closet.

These are chores that I know will quickly devolve into play, and that’s okay because that’s what I wanted all along. Five minutes into sorting his junk drawer, little Johnnie will be exploring his imagination. One or two weeds might get pulled, but more likely the garden hose will get turned on and there will be a dirt castle surrounded by a muddy moat will appear next to the squash plant. Inevitably the bedroom, closet, and yard will end up more disorganized that they were to start. And that’s okay. That’s when I will smile and say, “I’m happy because my kids are playing.” We have plenty of opportunities to teach chore completion and organization at other times. For today, play is the priority.

Channel Your Inner-Child

Children learn best from example. As parents, we can model playful behavior by engaging in hobbies, being spontaneous, and taking time for activities we enjoy that don’t have any external benefits such as earning money or receiving an award. If you have children in your life, you are lucky. Being around children helps to re-prioritize our lives and help us tune in to our inner-child. There are myriad opportunities to volunteer for kids through Big Brother Big Sister programs, the YMCA, school PTA programs, or foster parenting.

The bottom line is to change our mindset that play is a waste of time. In truth, play can often be more productive than work. So give yourself permission to bring back the Power of PLAY.

Ep. 7 Permission to PLAY

Permission to Play

Permission to PLAY

Anyone who knew me back when is probably laughing at the idea of me doing a podcast episode about play. That is okay! I hope you have a really good laugh on my account. Over the years I have learned the hard way that all work and no play make Maleah a real bore. I’ve also discovered play as a powerful way to energize and elevate my life. 

Why is PLAY a Power Principle?

Evolutionary biologists believe that play is an important key to survival. Species that don’t play don’t survive. Play is essential to survive, AND to thrive. Question: How I play? A documentary called The Power of Play (airing Jan 20, 2019) explores the science of play research. Research by California psychologist Stuart Brown, has shown that playing freely as a child is key to being mentally healthy as an adult.

Play is powerful because it allows for low-pressure exploration, discovery, and risk-taking. 

When was the last time you played? What did you do? 

Distraction is Not PLAY

Play is not the same as distraction.

Distractions are the things we do to avoid doing the things we have to do. Distractions are easy defaults like browsing social media, playing that game on the phone, mindlessly surfing the television channels. These things use time, but they don’t necessarily recharge or energize us the way that true play can. 

Play is not a waste of time. Play is more than merely goofing around. Play is the way we explore new skills without the pressure of performing or being judged . Through play we tap into creativity and build social connections. 

1. Permission to PLAY First

I used to believe that I had to have all my work done before I could play. I carried that belief into my work as a full-time mother. But for moms, work is never done! As a result, I never allowed myself to play and my life became cumbersome and dark. Part of my healing through Postpartum Depression and chronic illness was learning to prioritize play.

I learned to trick my brain and tell myself that I needed to get my play done before I could work. Doing this, I found that I had more energy and had time to be playful and get a lot of work done. 

2. Permission to Get Work Done Quickly so I can PLAY

Another way I trick my brain is to find ways to get work done quickly so that I have time to play. It’s when I’m doing the less exciting chores of paying bills, calling the insurance company, or cleaning the kitchen that I get distracted and end up wasting time surfing the web or browsing FaceBook on things things that don’t really matter to me. Instead, if I set a time to get necessary tasks done quickly and reward myself with play, then I am actually more productive and feel more relaxed at the end of the day.

3. Permission to Find Your FUN

 I’m guessing you could easily tell me ten things on your To-Do List today. And I’ll also guess these are “work” items. It’s hard to be motivated to get work done if you don’t know what you like to do for fun. What are 10 things you can give yourself permission to do that feel playful

When we default to browsing social media or playing that online game, it’s usually because we haven’t decided what we’d rather do instead. Somehow along our journey to adulthood, we lost our sense of play until we no longer know how to play. Give yourself permission to discover your play. Plan to PLAY

4. Permission to Turn Work into PLAY

What is the difference between work and play? For an NBA player, are basketball workouts and games work or play? Or when I write for ten hours straight, is that work or play? The bottom line is that it depends on mindset. And any task can be made easier by making it more playful. This is the old Mary Poppins’ principle: “In any job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Find the fun, and snap, the job’s a game.” The point is that we can all benefit from incorporating a more playful attitude into anything we do. Remember KISMIF from Episode 4 Permission to Make Life Easier? Keep it Simple, Make it Fun. 

Conclusion

This episode has reminded me of so many ways that I can give myself permission to be more playful, to lower the stakes, to remove pressure and remember not to take life so seriously. Unless it’s about play, because these days I take my play very seriously.