Lies of the Magpie Cover Reveal

Lies of the Magpie Cover Reveal

Lies of the Magpie Cover Reveal!

It’s time to reveal the FINAL COVER for Lies of the Magpie.

The final decision came down to one surprising element. (Read the end to learn the deciding factor.)

Thanks to everyone who has followed, made observations, and given feedback through this process.

There is a LOT of thought, calculation, and psychology that goes into designing a cover. If you are interested in the behind-the-scenes process of choosing the final cover, below I will walk you through the concept and evolution of each cover, the audience response, the pros & cons, and ultimately why the cover was or was not chosen.

If you just want to see the FINAL COVER, skip to the end. 

Commissioned Artwork

Cover Reveal Lies of the Magpie a memoir by Maleah Day Warner

The first cover was illustrated and painted by artist Bethany Baker three years ago. Check out her work at Midsummer Studios. She will create a custom whimsical portrait of your child, family, or fiancee.

Concept: “The Carnival of Life” Watercolor. Illustrates a mother’s role escorting her child on the rides of life.

Pros: I love the symbolism injected in custom artwork. The red balloon represents the woman’s hopes and dreams. The weight of the magpie is holding down the ballon, preventing it from rising to the height of its potential. Bethany designed the image to wrap around the book’s front and back cover and included space for the title and author.

Cons: I commissioned Bethany to create this cover in 2017 when I was considering self-publishing. Since then, I’ve learned the importance of matching the cover mood and style to the book’s genre. This painted image conveys a children’s picture book more than an adult memoir.

Commercial Artwork

In March I began working with my publisher’s cover designer. I gave her a synopsis of my book as well as the genre and overall tone and said I’d like a magpie and possibly a necklace. The following are the concepts she created. 

Woman’s Profile in Silhouette

Cover Reveal Lies of the Magpie a memoir by Maleah Day Warner

Concept: Vector image. This was the first design I previewed from the designer and it took my breath away. Seeing this made my story come alive.

Audience Response: Facebook Favorite. Marketing Specialist’s Favorite. This was the clear winner of all the vector images. 

Melanie: “To me it signifies there is something in all of us. From the outline of the women and the bird within.”

Colleen: “Creative flow and I love the color”

Kerry: “The theme Lies of the Magpie and it whispering in your ear fits.”

Shanda:  “It needs the silhouette of the girl for the human touch effect.”

Jill: “It draws me in. My kids who love to write voted this one as well.

Pros: The woman’s profile in silhouette hints she has a personal struggle. Something is stopping her from facing life straight on, and you get the hint the magpie plays a big role. Clear and easy to read.

Cons: Hard to find a con other than the weight of the image is heavy on the left and the mood is a bit depressing.

Woman at the Window

Concept: Live photography magpie at window. This was one of my early favorites.

Audience Response: Facebook Winner

Kylene:  “By far my favorite.”

Clarissa: “Caught my eye quick.

Tasha: “Intriguing.”

Lisa: “My least favorite. I find it a little confusing.”

Pros:  The image evokes curiosity and lets you know this will be an emotional story. Lovely use of black & white with hints of color.

Cons: Ultimately the cover is too confusing to understand at first glance. There is a lot going on. The title gets lost in the image. 

Magpie on a Tree Branch

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Warner Book Cover

Concept: Live Photography of Magpie

Audience Response:

Larita: “Both Lies and Magpie are distinct and pop out. Neither words are mixed into the photo. So clear and grab at you.”

Laurel: “I like the emptiness and use of the negative space.”

Ryan: “Nice and simple. No images conflicting with the title.

Pros: People like this cover for its clarity and use of white space. 

Cons: Gives the impression of being a nonfiction nature book rather than literary memoir.

Magpie in Flight

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Warner Book Cover

Concept: Thieving magpie flies away with the story.

Audience response: Editor’s Favorite.

Brooke: “Like the colors and letter font. Love the bird in flight

Ashley: “The blue one!”

Pros: The color and unique font. Reminds people of the book Wonder.

Cons: While the font is awesome, it’s also difficult to read. And it’s hard to tell if this book is for teens or adults. 

Magpie with Woman in Cage

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Warner Book Cover

Concept: Woman in Cage. In an unintentional effort to confuse my cover designer and complicate the process, I found this image of a woman in a cage which I LOVED. My designer created a dozen variations of this concept including the magpie holding the cage by a chain in its talons. This is the cover I’ve had the hardest time letting go of.

Audience Response: Publisher’s Favorite. Author’s favorite (except for the final cover).

Kris Stena “It intrigues all of us in my family, makes us want to know why she’s in there.”

Sashleigha: “Girl in the cage for sure.

Tessy: “Shows there is a story within the book.”

Jean: “This is the most intriguing to me… it’s like… hmmmm. what’s this book all about???”

Roberti: “This one  feels very depressing and  personally, I would not pick it up.”

Pros: I love the idea of a woman trapped in the cage while the bird is outside calling the shots. A lot of power and metaphor in the image. Also conveys there is an intricate story within the pages.

Cons: Some readers were turned off by the oppressive tone of this cover image. Some confused it for a story about domestic violence.

Final Cut: While intriguing, this cover could trigger too much negative emotion and might mislead readers to thinking it’s a story of abuse.

Magpie Whispers in Woman’s Ear

Cover Reveal Lies of the Magpie a memoir by Maleah Day Warner

Concept: Live Photography with whispering magpie.

Audience Response: Mr. Warner’s Favorite. A Facebook Favorite, this cover tied in votes with the Magpie at the Window.

Brooke: “It looks like the magpie is whispering lies.

Emily: “This is my favourite – it’s alluring, intense, emotive.”

Janine: “I like this one best. I was intrigued and wanted to know what the magpie was whispering in her ear….”

Lori: “The visuals are mentally stimulating and curiosity evoking.”

Pros: This cover showcases what a rockstar the designer is. Look at the lighting on the woman’s hair! So much emotion. Title is clear and easy to read. 

Cons: My daughter thought this looked like the cover of a romance instead of memoir. Cover reveals too much of the story.

Final Cut: This cover almost needs a warning that says “Spoiler Alert.” It gives away too much too soon.

And the Final Book Cover Is . . .

Magpie with Necklace

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Day Warner Book Cover

Concept: Simple illustration of magpie with locket in its beak.

Audience Response: Gotcha! I didn’t show this image on the Facebook or Instagram polls because I wanted it to be a surprise!

Abigail: “Love this. Looks very clean and professional.”

Cons: Interestingly, when shown to fellow authors from my publishers group, NOT ONE person voted for this cover. And yet this is the cover. WHY? There is a lot of calculation and psychology that goes into cover selection.

Pros:

  1. Title stands out: One strength of this book is an amazing title, and this cover lets the title do the talking.
  2. Clear: Many readers select a book based on a thumbnail image on Kindle, Overdrive, or Barnes & Noble online. These small images need to be clear and readable.
  3. Simple: If a cover is too complicated or confusing, a reader might assume the book will be too confusing and will pass it by.
  4. Tone: This book might be about postpartum depression, but the story is NOT depressing. This cover conveys a book filled with humor, colorful metaphor, propelling symbolism, and  narrative that is almost cartoon-like in its perspective on the struggle of family life.
  5. Curiosity: You can’t deny that this little magpie perks your curiosity. What is it doing with that necklace in its beak? This cover hints at mystery and surprise within the pages of the book. The reader anticipates being taken on a fascinating journey of discovery.

Final Cut: Ultimately, one factor finalized the decision to go with this book cover.

MEN!

Yes. You men were the deciding vote!

One might think a book that recounts pregnancy and childbirth in explicit detail might be just for women. However, the beta readers who finished fastest and had the most to say have all been men. A majority of my first endorsements were from men.

Perhaps this is because men have always wondered what goes on in a woman’s head and this book gives them a front row seat to one woman’s psyche. 

Ultimately, the final selling point was choosing a cover that wouldn’t be a barrier to men reading this powerful story. In addition to all the above factors, this is a cover a man could hold in an airport or have on his office desk or nightstand without appearing to be reading women’s romance.

What do you think?  Were you surprised?

I’d love to hear your comments. Thanks for following this cover journey.

Mother’s Day 2016

Maleah Warner website sliders

Four Years Ago . . .

Mother’s Day 2016

 

Leading up to Mother’s Day 2016, I was launching the Grand Opening of my website: mommaleah.com.

This Mother’s Day I am remembering significant events of four years ago that have impacted my life. Isn’t it interesting how events line up to change your trajectory?

At that time, I had decided to stop working on my memoir—the story of my healing journey through postpartum depression and chronic illness—which at that time was titled Prozac & Prayer. Writing my story had been an essential part of my healing process. But in 2016, it was ten years after the events of the book had taken place. Certainly women were no longer struggling with postpartum depression. I figured that the medical world had long since solved the issues and that new mothers were receiving the diagnosis and treatment they needed.

So it was time to move on to other projects. I outlined a series of nonfiction mothering books and brainstormed a website called mommaleah.com where I would teach and share all things related to mothering. The vision was a website where mothers take classes, learn tips, find awesome tools and resources, and be part of a mothering community.

The website included a bookshelf (because I love a library!) where women could check out blog posts, classes, books, videos, and sample my favorite things.

screen shot mommaleah.com library

I worked hard creating headers, learning javascript, and trying to make friends with technology. My goal was to build the website on my own as much as possible without running crying to my husband (the real technology genius) every time the computer was mean to me.

The preparation included writing blog posts, recording video, designing webinars, and teaching a mothering class at the Provo Library. 

There were sweepstakes and giveaways. Subscribers could win my favorite books or my favorite family movies. I was excited, but still, my heart wasn’t one hundred percent invested in this idea of teaching housekeeping tips and organization. (I mean, organization tips from me?)

Then something else also happened it 2016

The Emily Effect

In the process of planning, building, and preparing to launch mommaleah.com, I learned about the passing of Emily Cook Dyches due to complications of a postpartum-induced panic attack. Emily and I both went to Snow College. My brother was her middle school science teacher. She dated my husband’s best friend. Her passing was the wake-up call for me that maternal mental health issues had not been fixed and that there were real women still struggling to find help and healing.

As Emily’s family bravely shared her story, they taught me the power of story to bring healing, hope, light, and change.

So while going forward with mommaleah, I also pulled out my manuscript and tried to figure out how to transform my experiences from personal therapy into crafted literary narrative.

Working with an editor helped me learn how to let the story speak for itself. The manuscript got a new name: Lies of the Magpie and won 2nd place in the Utah Arts Council Original Writing Competition that year. The prize was $500, the first money I’d ever earned from writing.

Since that time, I have worked to fine-tune the story and also learn how to get it published. That is a long story for another post. 

Here, four years later, this story is ready to go into the world. 

I hope it will be found by a woman in need, so that she’ll know she isn’t alone and that another woman has been where she is. Most of all, I hope through story she will find relief, humor inside darkness, and the assurance that healing is possible. 

Today mommaleah.com looks like this:

screen shot maleahwarner.com

Typing mommaleah.com into your web browser now brings you to maleahwarner.com, an awesome website designed completely by Mr. Warner. You’ll notice that I have been podcasting for over a year and that the book Lies of the Magpie is available very soon. The vision for mommaleah is not gone, but revised. Rather than tips, tricks, and home organization secrets (I’m still looking for those), the website focusses on teaching healing for heart, mind, and body. 

It is interesting to reflect on the past four years. The Emily Effect has impacted major changes on legislation to increase screening and resources for postpartum mothers. This is a mission I’m excited to be part of.

mw

Lies of the Magpie Cover Reveal

Cover Reveal Lies of the Magpie a memoir by Maleah Day Warner

Lies of the Magpie Cover Reveal!

It’s time to reveal the FINAL COVER for Lies of the Magpie.

The final decision came down to one surprising element. (Read the end to learn the deciding factor.)

Thanks to everyone who has followed, made observations, and given feedback through this process.

There is a LOT of thought, calculation, and psychology that goes into designing a cover. If you are interested in the behind-the-scenes process of choosing the final cover, below I will walk you through the concept and evolution of each cover, the audience response, the pros & cons, and ultimately why the cover was or was not chosen.

If you just want to see the FINAL COVER, skip to the end. 

Commissioned Artwork

Cover Reveal Lies of the Magpie a memoir by Maleah Day Warner

The first cover was illustrated and painted by artist Bethany Baker three years ago. Check out her work at Midsummer Studios. She will create a custom whimsical portrait of your child, family, or fiancee.

Concept: “The Carnival of Life” Watercolor. Illustrates a mother’s role escorting her child on the rides of life.

Pros: I love the symbolism injected in custom artwork. The red balloon represents the woman’s hopes and dreams. The weight of the magpie is holding down the ballon, preventing it from rising to the height of its potential. Bethany designed the image to wrap around the book’s front and back cover and included space for the title and author.

Cons: I commissioned Bethany to create this cover in 2017 when I was considering self-publishing. Since then, I’ve learned the importance of matching the cover mood and style to the book’s genre. This painted image conveys a children’s picture book more than an adult memoir.

Commercial Artwork

In March I began working with my publisher’s cover designer. I gave her a synopsis of my book as well as the genre and overall tone and said I’d like a magpie and possibly a necklace. The following are the concepts she created. 

Woman’s Profile in Silhouette

Cover Reveal Lies of the Magpie a memoir by Maleah Day Warner

Concept: Vector image. This was the first design I previewed from the designer and it took my breath away. Seeing this made my story come alive.

Audience Response: Facebook Favorite. Marketing Specialist’s Favorite. This was the clear winner of all the vector images. 

Melanie: “To me it signifies there is something in all of us. From the outline of the women and the bird within.”

Colleen: “Creative flow and I love the color”

Kerry: “The theme Lies of the Magpie and it whispering in your ear fits.”

Shanda:  “It needs the silhouette of the girl for the human touch effect.”

Jill: “It draws me in. My kids who love to write voted this one as well.

Pros: The woman’s profile in silhouette hints she has a personal struggle. Something is stopping her from facing life straight on, and you get the hint the magpie plays a big role. Clear and easy to read.

Cons: Hard to find a con other than the weight of the image is heavy on the left and the mood is a bit depressing.

Woman at the Window

Concept: Live photography magpie at window. This was one of my early favorites.

Audience Response: Facebook Winner

Kylene:  “By far my favorite.”

Clarissa: “Caught my eye quick.

Tasha: “Intriguing.”

Lisa: “My least favorite. I find it a little confusing.”

Pros:  The image evokes curiosity and lets you know this will be an emotional story. Lovely use of black & white with hints of color.

Cons: Ultimately the cover is too confusing to understand at first glance. There is a lot going on. The title gets lost in the image. 

Magpie on a Tree Branch

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Warner Book Cover

Concept: Live Photography of Magpie

Audience Response:

Larita: “Both Lies and Magpie are distinct and pop out. Neither words are mixed into the photo. So clear and grab at you.”

Laurel: “I like the emptiness and use of the negative space.”

Ryan: “Nice and simple. No images conflicting with the title.

Pros: People like this cover for its clarity and use of white space. 

Cons: Gives the impression of being a nonfiction nature book rather than literary memoir.

Magpie in Flight

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Warner Book Cover

Concept: Thieving magpie flies away with the story.

Audience response: Editor’s Favorite.

Brooke: “Like the colors and letter font. Love the bird in flight

Ashley: “The blue one!”

Pros: The color and unique font. Reminds people of the book Wonder.

Cons: While the font is awesome, it’s also difficult to read. And it’s hard to tell if this book is for teens or adults. 

Magpie with Woman in Cage

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Warner Book Cover

Concept: Woman in Cage. In an unintentional effort to confuse my cover designer and complicate the process, I found this image of a woman in a cage which I LOVED. My designer created a dozen variations of this concept including the magpie holding the cage by a chain in its talons. This is the cover I’ve had the hardest time letting go of.

Audience Response: Publisher’s Favorite. Author’s favorite (except for the final cover).

Kris Stena “It intrigues all of us in my family, makes us want to know why she’s in there.”

Sashleigha: “Girl in the cage for sure.

Tessy: “Shows there is a story within the book.”

Jean: “This is the most intriguing to me… it’s like… hmmmm. what’s this book all about???”

Roberti: “This one  feels very depressing and  personally, I would not pick it up.”

Pros: I love the idea of a woman trapped in the cage while the bird is outside calling the shots. A lot of power and metaphor in the image. Also conveys there is an intricate story within the pages.

Cons: Some readers were turned off by the oppressive tone of this cover image. Some confused it for a story about domestic violence.

Final Cut: While intriguing, this cover could trigger too much negative emotion and might mislead readers to thinking it’s a story of abuse.

Magpie Whispers in Woman’s Ear

Cover Reveal Lies of the Magpie a memoir by Maleah Day Warner

Concept: Live Photography with whispering magpie.

Audience Response: Mr. Warner’s Favorite. A Facebook Favorite, this cover tied in votes with the Magpie at the Window.

Brooke: “It looks like the magpie is whispering lies.

Emily: “This is my favourite – it’s alluring, intense, emotive.”

Janine: “I like this one best. I was intrigued and wanted to know what the magpie was whispering in her ear….”

Lori: “The visuals are mentally stimulating and curiosity evoking.”

Pros: This cover showcases what a rockstar the designer is. Look at the lighting on the woman’s hair! So much emotion. Title is clear and easy to read. 

Cons: My daughter thought this looked like the cover of a romance instead of memoir. Cover reveals too much of the story.

Final Cut: This cover almost needs a warning that says “Spoiler Alert.” It gives away too much too soon.

And the Final Book Cover Is . . .

Magpie with Necklace

Lies of the Magpie by Maleah Day Warner Book Cover

Concept: Simple illustration of magpie with locket in its beak.

Audience Response: Gotcha! I didn’t show this image on the Facebook or Instagram polls because I wanted it to be a surprise!

Abigail: “Love this. Looks very clean and professional.”

Cons: Interestingly, when shown to fellow authors from my publishers group, NOT ONE person voted for this cover. And yet this is the cover. WHY? There is a lot of calculation and psychology that goes into cover selection.

Pros:

  1. Title stands out: One strength of this book is an amazing title, and this cover lets the title do the talking.
  2. Clear: Many readers select a book based on a thumbnail image on Kindle, Overdrive, or Barnes & Noble online. These small images need to be clear and readable.
  3. Simple: If a cover is too complicated or confusing, a reader might assume the book will be too confusing and will pass it by.
  4. Tone: This book might be about postpartum depression, but the story is NOT depressing. This cover conveys a book filled with humor, colorful metaphor, propelling symbolism, and  narrative that is almost cartoon-like in its perspective on the struggle of family life.
  5. Curiosity: You can’t deny that this little magpie perks your curiosity. What is it doing with that necklace in its beak? This cover hints at mystery and surprise within the pages of the book. The reader anticipates being taken on a fascinating journey of discovery.

Final Cut: Ultimately, one factor finalized the decision to go with this book cover.

MEN!

Yes. You men were the deciding vote!

One might think a book that recounts pregnancy and childbirth in explicit detail might be just for women. However, the beta readers who finished fastest and had the most to say have all been men. A majority of my first endorsements were from men.

Perhaps this is because men have always wondered what goes on in a woman’s head and this book gives them a front row seat to one woman’s psyche. 

Ultimately, the final selling point was choosing a cover that wouldn’t be a barrier to men reading this powerful story. In addition to all the above factors, this is a cover a man could hold in an airport or have on his office desk or nightstand without appearing to be reading women’s romance.

What do you think?  Were you surprised?

I’d love to hear your comments. Thanks for following this cover journey.

3 Common Mental Health Mistakes

3 Common Mental Health Mistakes

Ep. 68 What are the three most common mistakes we make regarding mental health issues? Join the podcast to learn how our instinct to respond by ignoring issues, reacting with fear, or trying to force a recovery actually compound mental health issues. Learn simple things to do instead that will encourage health, build relationships, and end the stigma and shame surrounding mental health issues.

Why You Fight with Your Spouse

Woman and man sitting on park bench having a fight

Ep 67 Why do you fight with the person you love? Today we are talking about the explosive arguments that leave you and your partner feeling emotionally wounded. If you love your spouse and can’t figure out why you fight, this episode will show you the root cause for your arguments. Listen to gain new perspective on what the fight is really about. 

SHOW NOTES:

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

Becoming by Michelle Obama

How to NOT Feel STRESSED

Stress

Ep. 38  This episode is all about STRESS and how to NOT feel stressed. The goal is to understand that it IS possible to have a lot on your plate and to NOT feel STRESSED about it. Listen to learn POWERFUL thoughts to help you to NOT feel STRESSED.

THE PROBLEM

So often we believe that we have so much to do and not enough time to do it all. We believe ALL the things are so important and we worry that our effort won’t be good enough. Therefore, we end up panicked and stressed, which actually freezes us and limits our ability to finish ALL the things. We end up working frenetically, staying up late, getting sick, but not finishing the tasks. 

THE SOLUTION

I promise that life does NOT have to feel STRESSFUL. It is entirely possible to have a lot on your plate and to NOT feel STRESSED about it. You can have an amazing life and be engaged in purposeful work and move forward through accomplishments and success steps and never feel stressed.

If you think this can’t possibly be true, that I’m exaggerating, then this is going to be an excellent episode for you. I’m glad you’re here. 

WHY WE FEEL STRESS

Let’s talk about Why We Feel Stress:

Every emotion comes from thoughts. Every. Single. One. It’s not possible to have an emotion that wasn’t triggered, that wasn’t created by a thought in your head.

Now, that thought in your head doesn’t necessarily have to be your own thought. Other people can put thoughts in your head, dark spirits can put thoughts in your head, TV/media/billboards can put thoughts in your head. Sometimes this can be frustrating because we can’t always control what thoughts pop up in our minds, but can control how we think about, how we react to those thoughts.  In any case, the emotions we feel always derive from a thought.

I’m not saying this to chastise or belittle anyone for experiencing stress. I feel stress at times, not too often these days, but I used to live in a chronic state of stress. And it’s not fun. Stress is a real kill-joy, it sucks the bliss out of life and makes you not a very pleasurable person to be around. Not to mention that it can make you really sick. 

STRESS-INDUCING THOUGHTS

Let’s look at some of the thoughts that lead to us feeling stressed.

“I don’t have enough time.” 

You feel the crunch of the deadline. The calendar days are turning, the clock is ticking, and you are running out of time. This is a common thought. I think we’ve all been here, probably several times already today.

“Not good enough.”

This is the thought of either “I’m not good enough” or “What I’m doing isn’t good enough.” This is where perfectionism comes to roost. This thought is a relative of the thought of not having enough time, because usually we are afraid that we don’t have enough time to make our work be good enough. We fear our imperfections and weaknesses and so often we allow our subconscious to make it be about time, when in truth, it’s about fear of not being good enough.

“I should do more”

 

CHALLENGE THESE THOUGHTS

I’ve practiced noticing when I’m feeling stressed and following that feeling, like a detective hunting for clues, back until I discover the thought triggering the stress. Then, I’ve found it helpful to ask questions: Is this thought true? Or, is this a useful thought?

I discovered this tool of discovering and questioning thought when I was searching for healing from postpartum depression and autoimmune disease. This is when I realized that my thoughts were the roots of so many of my so-called problems and stress and that my sickness stemmed from my toxic thoughts. Most everything that I talk about on this podcast comes down to what’s going on in our heads.  If there’s one thing you get out of this podcast, or any of these podcasts, if you learn to question your thoughts, that skill alone will launch your life in powerful ways. 

Let’s do it. Let’s question these thoughts.

Thought: “I don’t have enough time.”

There are so many ways your brain can verbalize this. I’m so busy. I can’t do it all. I have too much to do,  thus I don’t have enough time. 

Challenge:  Is it TRUE that I don’t have enough time?

Instead of going into a huge existential discussion about what is TRUTH, let’s skip to the understanding that when it comes to your life, you get to create your truth. It’s a gift called Free Agency. So I would ask, Do I want this to be true  for me that I don’t have enough time?

I can choose to believe that it’s true and my brain will be extremely skilled at finding evidence to support why I don’t have enough time.  Or, I can choose to say it’s not true. I can choose to think that I have plenty of time. I have SO much time. Time is an unlimited commodity. I can use time today and I will have more tomorrow. I can use tomorrow’s time and I will have more time the next day. It’s amazing!

For so long, self help people have pushed this idea, this “thought” that time is a precious, and limited commodity. Get it done today because there are no guarantees for tomorrow! And it’s true you could die at any moment. But still, I believe that death is not the end of me, that I will go on living and have, get this, even MORE time! More time to learn, progress, experience, etc. When my brain throws up that idea that I don’t have enough time, I challenge it and I argue for all the reason why I have an abundance of time.

I’ve never found a scenario where the thought “I don’t have enough time” is a useful thought. It doesn’t serve me well. The panic of running out of time makes my insides contract, it freezes me up, and it drains my power to take action. Ironically this thought of not having enough time actually leads to procrastination rather than prevents procrastination. 

Replace: What to Think Instead

I have plenty of time.

I have exactly enough time.

I have an abundance of time.

I have exactly enough time to accomplish all the things that are important to me

For Full Text Listen to the Podcast

Ch. 10 Lies of the Magpie

Maleah Warner

Ep. 32 Left at the Table

Three is the hardest number of children.

We adored Tanner, but adding the third child threw us completely off balance. For several months after bringing Tanner home from the hospital, we struggled to find our groove. “I’ve got Danny,” Aaron would say taking Danny by the hand when we’d arrive at a baseball game, a neighborhood swim party, or a church barbecue.  I’d hoist Tanner’s car seat with two hands and balance the over-flowing diaper bag on my shoulder. Aaron would look at me, I would look at Aaron, and we’d both look at Kate who was poised ready to sprint away the second one of us unbuckled her safety belt. “I’ve got Danny and Kate,” Aaron would concede.

With two parents and three kids, there always seemed to be one child left unattended. It used to be that I would cut Kate’s meat and Aaron would help Danny. Now, during dinner, I sat on the couch nursing Tanner. “Kate, why aren’t you eating?” Aaron chastised. Kate looked up shyly, “Nobody cut my meat.”

The worst was the day we drove out of the neighborhood. I knew something felt off…“Go back! I left Tanner.” I unlocked the front door and came out carrying Tanner’s car seat. He’d been buckled in and was waiting on the living room floor to be carried to the car.

We carried on like this, completely off-kilter until a miraculous thing happened in July. Annice and Calvin went to Hawaii and left their three kids with us. We became parents to six kids under the age of nine. Annice showed up one week later with a gorgeous tan. I hadn’t brushed my own teeth in seven days. Going from six kids back to three seemed to reboot our system, and Aaron and I found a good rhythm balancing our own Danny, Kate, and Tanner.

Tanner was an easy baby an once again I began to wonder if being a mother was enough.  Should I be doing more? 

In the fall, Danny started preschool, Aaron went back to night school to become a Certified Financial Planner, and I started a part-time job selling advertising and writing articles for a local magazine. I thought it would be the perfect outlet for me—a way to keep my intellect sharpened and get out of the house a few hours a day. After two weeks, it was obvious the job situation wasn’t working. By the time I buckled the three kids into my car, dropped them off to three different locations, and drove twenty minutes to my sales area, I had forty minutes to contact business clients before it was time to pick up Danny from preschool.

“You’re always the last mom here,” Danny would say, the sweat dripping down his face from waiting outside for me.

One night in bed I leaned up on one elbow and told Aaron, “I need to quit my job.” I hoped he would say, “I agree. I don’t know how you keep up with three kids, working in the morning and teaching piano lessons in the afternoon.”

Instead, he said, “Why?”

“It’s too much,” I rambled. “I’m always late to pick up Danny, Tanner doesn’t get a good morning nap, and the money I make barely covers Kate’s babysitter. The kids are cranky. When I started working for the magazine, Tanner stopped sleeping through the night. I don’t think he’s getting enough milk. I’m tired. I’m falling asleep during piano lessons.”

“It’s only a few hours a week,” Aaron said.

“By the time I get everyone dressed, out the door, buckled into the car, dropped off and picked up again, it takes the whole morning.”

“You’re the one who wanted something productive to do,” Aaron offered.

I called my boss and told him my decision. “I wondered how you kept it going so long,” he said.

After that, I decided to slow down. Three kids took a lot of time. I needed to make a conscious effort not to over-schedule myself.

In December, Aaron asked if we could have his Client Christmas Party at our house.

“No,” I said.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because our house has only second-hand furniture and I have no idea what to cook for retired millionaires who have dined in the best restaurants around the world.”

“It wouldn’t have to be fancy,” Aaron argued. I held my ground.

The next day, while Aaron was at work, I saw Laiah sitting on my window sill. I hadn’t heard from her in a few months. “Aaron is disappointed with you. Your house should be more nicely decorated. That is your job as a homemaker. And you should know how to cater fancy work dinners. Your husband should be able to bring his clients home any time.”

A week after I declined hosting the client party, Aaron said, “Let’s drive to Utah for Christmas this year.”

“No,” I said again. “Why?”

“Because it’s been four years since we stayed home for Christmas. I want to have our own family Christmas at our own house where we can open presents and play with toys all day and never change out of our pajamas. I want to relax and enjoy Tanner’s first Christmas.”

“You can relax in Utah,” Aaron answered. I stood my ground.

Listen to the full chapter here: Chapter 10 

Listen to past chapters here: https://maleahwarner.com/podcasts/

 

Chapter 4 Lies of the Magpie

Memoir story of my journey healing through postpartum depression and chronic.

Ep. 26 Stay At Home Mother

The word default has two meanings. One, it connotes a failure to meet an obligation or expectation. And this is what happened. By the time I told Aaron the news about our imminent arrival, our internet store had still not made a single sale. We had a hefty monthly business loan payment and zero business income. Default hints at a lapse of judgement, a miss, an overlook, a mistake. But it couldn’t have been Aaron’s fault for enthusiastically jumping onboard when I wanted to buy the same internet retail package that I was selling to business-minded adventurers from Idaho to Iowa. Nor how could Galaxy Mall be blamed for believing that every person with a home computer would be clicking and ordering before the year’s end? Who could have known it would take twenty years to shift the public’s habits away from brick and mortar shopping? Nobody else inside Galaxy Mall was making any sales. My company went under and I found myself pregnant, unemployed, and working assembly-line temp jobs.

But the word default can also mean a predetermined setting that the programmer has chosen the mechanism will automatically revert to when no other alternative is selected by the user. Clocks revert to midnight, calculators revert to zero, computers revert to basic programming. Mothers revert to caring for their offspring. We house, feed, and grow them within our bodies for 9 months, naturally we provide for their sleep, shelter, and food. This is mother’s instinct at its strongest. It’s our default setting.

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